You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
