What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
