She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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