So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
