K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
