i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize