so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
