I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
