we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
