Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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