Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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