She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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