did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
