He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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