I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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