what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize