you have to choose: penises or morals?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
