I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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