im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
