I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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