yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
