I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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