my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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