We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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