my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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