she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
