We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
