Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
