He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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