I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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