he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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