good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
