I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
