Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
