Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize