i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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