I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize