i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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