Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're using joints as your birthday candles
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
