okay pat passed out under dana's car
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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