The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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