Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
