I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize