It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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