U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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