You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
