I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
