His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
