someone get that fucking seahorse.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
