Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't notice because vodka
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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