okay pat passed out under dana's car
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
