Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
