I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
