Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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