I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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