I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
