Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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