Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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