I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize