sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
