I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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