it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
