i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize