I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
