I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
