dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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