My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
