Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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