Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
