Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
