the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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