Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
