We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
