maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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