if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
