I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
