i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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