AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
