marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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