Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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