Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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