Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
