You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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