someone owes me an orgasm
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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