I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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