So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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