he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
