she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
