We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
