who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
