Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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