Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
