Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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