they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
