Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
