Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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