oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
