I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
