absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
