I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize